Unwanted Adjustment

In the last few years since I've been ill,

My world's changed, gone strange, weird at times.

I don't perceive things as I did.

Noise, movement, perspective messages I receive are wrong.

Rationally I know what's true but the signals come in false.

I see the kerb, a four inch step and fear a two foot drop.

Balance is like Mr Blobby's when walking in the open.

I sail in a force ten gale while standing on dry land

And fear sliding off when lying in bed.  

Crowds of people appear at strange angles.

Why don't they stand upright?

Voices come and go - sounds slightly distort.

Loud noises bug me, table tappers get on my wick

And scratching drives me up the wall.

At meal times plate scrapers I hate -

Oh! that noise - just the thought   gives me the shivers.

Bright lights, they hurt my eyes,

And colours aren't quite what they were.

My concentration, reasoning and memory aren't good.

Please have we just had Christmas or was it my summer holidays?

Why no!   I didn't buy that plant did I?

Then at times I'm totally restless,

Feeling all twitchy, as if I'm overtired but I'm not.

Then I want to run in circles waving my arms.

Other times I want to shout "shut up" at all around, Stamp my feet, behave irrationally, my world annoys me.

Please leave me alone, don't touch, don't move, keep quiet, let me hide.

If I were a child I could just let go, let feelings rule,

Then I might be labelled - disruptive, difficult, behavioural disorder or worse!

But I'm an adult, I have to conform

Control myself, be respectable, sensible, conduct myself properly   ..............

.............Just - adjust.

Further Information

Written by Liz (a lady in her forties) when she was first diagnosed with hydrocephalus

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